Today is 6dp6dt for R's FET. I've been really hopeful the entire time that it would work. R's had her doubts and honestly, I think she's been talking herself out of it. It makes sense, she's been through so many disappointments that I'm sure she's just trying to shield herself. She's mentioned the pluses to not being pregnant - of course there's the craziness of both of us being pregnant at the same time, but she's also brought up how not being pregnant means she'll get to enjoy the summer - mostly being able to drink wine with my dad (a chef and wine connoisseur), being to have a drink at her sister's wedding, being able to go camping this summer (she can lug all the heavy stuff - it's just car camping so it's not like I'd have to hike and we definitely have all the gear to camp in luxury).
However today everything changed. R woke up around 5am to pee (gotta love PIO) and she POAS. It was a FRER which we hold to the highest standards. We're pretty sure it was negative. I mean at 5am your eyes definitely play tricks on you and since my brain knows where the line should be (and I want it to be there so badly), I think my brain just fills it in. My brain also kind of fucks with me because it doesn't fill it in all the way, instead I imagine a very faint line. After turning on the lights, putting my glasses on and re-examining the test, we concluded that it was definitely negative. Despite R's big summer plans, I know she was disappointed.
I left for work about 8:15 and R decided to test again. This time with one of the tests I brought home from work. Of course without me home to look at it, she got a faint line. Holy crap. What does this mean? A negative FRER and a positive test from work (which I consider to be a crappier test - it's not meant to pick super early pregnancies, just knocked up teenagers who don't even know they are pregnant until they're having regular stomach pains every few minutes and then a head pops out from between their legs). I made her take pictures of the test and e-mail me at work. Although faint, there definitely was a line there. I swear I've been agonizing over it all day. I just want this to work. In my new state of pregnancy, I've become more protective of R and can't stand to see her go through another negative or worse yet another false start pregnancy.
Now the wait until tomorrow morning for R to POAS again. Is it morning yet? The damn beta is still 2 days away.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Big Week - and it's only Tuesday
It's only Tuesday but already it's been an exciting week. First off yesterday marked a huge milestone - as of yesterday, this is the furthest along we've ever made it in any pregnancy. This is my last dead baby milestone! From here on out, it's all a new experience for us.
I then became a huge ass. You know how I've been extolling the virtues of my wife - well she's still amazing and wonderful and taking great care of me. I however am the asshole who put work ahead of her. I took the afternoon off for her FET but forgot to close part of my morning schedule. I'm not quite sure what I was thinking - obviously I was not really thinking. So of course when we finally discussed logistics of getting to the FET, I realized that I had patients scheduled through 11:30 (I held my 12:00 slot). An 11:30 appointment means the patient has until 11:50 to show up before they are officially called a "no show" - so if the patient had shown up at 11:49, I would have had to see them. By the time my nurse roomed them and I saw them (it was a well child physical), it easily could have been 12:15 which was the time R needed to be at the clinic. Basically I said she needed to get a ride to the clinic (she can't drive on Valium) and I would meet her there. Yeah, that didn't go over very well (and rightfully so). R pointed out my complete lack of consideration. I was able to call my patients and ask them to come in earlier. Luckily today I had a no show and then when I finally got a hold of my 11:30 patient, they told me they weren't coming - they changed insurance and I was no longer a covered provider for them. I was thus able to make it home to pick R up and make it in time to the clinic - while it all worked out, I was still a huge ass and R put me in my place (while still catering to my every pregnant whim).
So onto the good news of today. R had her FET today. We thawed out 4 embryos and transferred 3. They all actually survived the thaw and we transferred the 3 best ones. Of the ones we transferred 2 had a 95% cell survival rate and the third had an 85% cell survival rate. You always expect to lose some cells during the thaw and a 50% cell survival rate is what is considered a successful thaw. Needless to say, we are thrilled at how well the embies did during the thaw process. Now, as always, we wait. Beta day is on May 2nd.
We also got another glimpse into my uterus. It was so amazing to see how much the baby has grown. It now has knees and elbows. It was punching and kicking me! We could see the 2 lobes of the brain. We could also see fingers. It was just amazing. To borrow Jennifer's term, I think we're going to have a take home baby!
I then became a huge ass. You know how I've been extolling the virtues of my wife - well she's still amazing and wonderful and taking great care of me. I however am the asshole who put work ahead of her. I took the afternoon off for her FET but forgot to close part of my morning schedule. I'm not quite sure what I was thinking - obviously I was not really thinking. So of course when we finally discussed logistics of getting to the FET, I realized that I had patients scheduled through 11:30 (I held my 12:00 slot). An 11:30 appointment means the patient has until 11:50 to show up before they are officially called a "no show" - so if the patient had shown up at 11:49, I would have had to see them. By the time my nurse roomed them and I saw them (it was a well child physical), it easily could have been 12:15 which was the time R needed to be at the clinic. Basically I said she needed to get a ride to the clinic (she can't drive on Valium) and I would meet her there. Yeah, that didn't go over very well (and rightfully so). R pointed out my complete lack of consideration. I was able to call my patients and ask them to come in earlier. Luckily today I had a no show and then when I finally got a hold of my 11:30 patient, they told me they weren't coming - they changed insurance and I was no longer a covered provider for them. I was thus able to make it home to pick R up and make it in time to the clinic - while it all worked out, I was still a huge ass and R put me in my place (while still catering to my every pregnant whim).
So onto the good news of today. R had her FET today. We thawed out 4 embryos and transferred 3. They all actually survived the thaw and we transferred the 3 best ones. Of the ones we transferred 2 had a 95% cell survival rate and the third had an 85% cell survival rate. You always expect to lose some cells during the thaw and a 50% cell survival rate is what is considered a successful thaw. Needless to say, we are thrilled at how well the embies did during the thaw process. Now, as always, we wait. Beta day is on May 2nd.
We also got another glimpse into my uterus. It was so amazing to see how much the baby has grown. It now has knees and elbows. It was punching and kicking me! We could see the 2 lobes of the brain. We could also see fingers. It was just amazing. To borrow Jennifer's term, I think we're going to have a take home baby!
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Fear Factor
I know that some of you read R's blog and have been keeping up with the latest development. I haven't been able to post but figured I should share (and also for those of you that don't read her blog). So as you all know, I've been feeling miserable and puking my guts out. While I hated how I was feeling, it was somewhat reassuring.
On Monday, I started feeling human again. I still threw up a few times but I didn't feel that constant nausea feeling that I had been having all day. In fact I felt pretty good. I actually had an appetite and food sounded good. The strange new feeling continued on Tuesday (although again, I did puke twice but it was very sudden onset of nausea and vomiting). These new feelings of normalcy totally freaked me out. It probably didn't help that this week I will surpass the furthest point we've ever reached in any of our 3 pregnancies (with my first pregnancy, I last saw the heartbeat at 8w3d and it was gone at 9w3d - baby probably died around 8w4-5d). Today I am 9 weeks.
So last night I shared my feelings and paranoia with R. Poor thing was up all night worrying. I know I really freaked her out. This morning I woke up and again felt like crap. I spewed my morning cereal and felt nauseous all morning. I was miserable but happy. That is until the afternoon when I started having some cramps. Then all the nausea in the world was not enough to calm my fears. I decided to take advantage of another doctor perk. For the love of god, I work in a hospital. I called up to labor and delivery and the doc on call was ok with me running up.
I went up when I had a patient that didn't show up. I guess they don't have vaginal probes up in L&D, so the on call doc gave it a go with the abdominal u/s machine. It was my very first ever abdominal u/s. And the baby is still alive. It was squirming all around and most importantly the heart was beating away! So things are going well. I'm going to try and not be so freakin neurotic. Although I have a feeling by the time it's all said and done, I'll know all the doctors up in L&D quite well.
On Monday, I started feeling human again. I still threw up a few times but I didn't feel that constant nausea feeling that I had been having all day. In fact I felt pretty good. I actually had an appetite and food sounded good. The strange new feeling continued on Tuesday (although again, I did puke twice but it was very sudden onset of nausea and vomiting). These new feelings of normalcy totally freaked me out. It probably didn't help that this week I will surpass the furthest point we've ever reached in any of our 3 pregnancies (with my first pregnancy, I last saw the heartbeat at 8w3d and it was gone at 9w3d - baby probably died around 8w4-5d). Today I am 9 weeks.
So last night I shared my feelings and paranoia with R. Poor thing was up all night worrying. I know I really freaked her out. This morning I woke up and again felt like crap. I spewed my morning cereal and felt nauseous all morning. I was miserable but happy. That is until the afternoon when I started having some cramps. Then all the nausea in the world was not enough to calm my fears. I decided to take advantage of another doctor perk. For the love of god, I work in a hospital. I called up to labor and delivery and the doc on call was ok with me running up.
I went up when I had a patient that didn't show up. I guess they don't have vaginal probes up in L&D, so the on call doc gave it a go with the abdominal u/s machine. It was my very first ever abdominal u/s. And the baby is still alive. It was squirming all around and most importantly the heart was beating away! So things are going well. I'm going to try and not be so freakin neurotic. Although I have a feeling by the time it's all said and done, I'll know all the doctors up in L&D quite well.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Justification for the misery
Our ultrasound today went perfectly!!! Our little one has grown so much (I'm 8w2d today). It's no longer a smudge on the screen and now actually resembles a life form (albeit more of a gecko than a human). It had little arm and leg buds and you could actually see it moving. The heartbeat was around 160 and you could see the different chambers of the heart. The RE also spent some time looking at the umbilical cord and the placenta and said that it all looks great! It really is amazing. With bean (our first pregnancy) my last 'alive' u/s was on 8w2d and I swear she was way smaller than this baby and she didn't really resemble a baby on u/s (although she did when I saw her when I m/c'd). I really think this pregnancy will go the distance and will result in a baby.
In other news, I'm still wearing the sea bands. I have no idea if they help. Yesterday was the best afternoon I've had since getting pregnant in terms of nausea. However I was the late urgent care doctor and by the end of my shift, I was getting really nauseous. I then proceeded to puke most of the evening when I got home. So who knows if these things work. I do look absolutely ridiculous wearing them. Also they are a dead giveaway. I had one person ask me if I was getting ready to go on a cruise and then a bunch of my patient's mothers have asked me if I'm pregnant. I'm a horrible liar so I've had to tell them. I've been following it up with a "it's still very early and I have a history of miscarriages" disclaimer. After today's u/s I may just drop that last bit of my disclaimer and keep it at "it's still very early".
In other news, I'm still wearing the sea bands. I have no idea if they help. Yesterday was the best afternoon I've had since getting pregnant in terms of nausea. However I was the late urgent care doctor and by the end of my shift, I was getting really nauseous. I then proceeded to puke most of the evening when I got home. So who knows if these things work. I do look absolutely ridiculous wearing them. Also they are a dead giveaway. I had one person ask me if I was getting ready to go on a cruise and then a bunch of my patient's mothers have asked me if I'm pregnant. I'm a horrible liar so I've had to tell them. I've been following it up with a "it's still very early and I have a history of miscarriages" disclaimer. After today's u/s I may just drop that last bit of my disclaimer and keep it at "it's still very early".
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
The bestest wife ever
I just have to take a moment to brag about my wife who definitely deserves the bestest wife ever award (and yes, I'm aware that bestest isn't really a word). R has really made a dramatic comeback this week from her previous coming off birth control pills while taking lupron PMS bitch-fest that she had going on last week. This morning, although she could have slept in she got up while I was in the shower and made me waffles to try to stave off the nausea. It was a valid attempt but the puke-fest still started about 20 minutes later.
Then today she showed up unannounced at my office during my lunch hour (poor thing waited in my parking lot for almost a half an hour because I was with a sick patient before lunch). She was like Santa Claus as she brought 2 bags of goodies. There was Gatorade (b/c water is now gross and I'm so over ginger-ale), there were mints, ginger Altoids, spearmints and some more mint things (b/c she read that those things help some people). There was also a big box of saltines and some peanut butter crackers.
And most importantly, she bought me sea bands. I had heard of sea bands but I had never really seen them before. For those of you who haven't seen them either, they are like small (1 1/2 inch wide) athletic wrist bands. Mine happen to be in a lovely shade of pale blue. If only I had a matching head band and some leg warmers I could go to a 1980's gym and 'get physical' with Olivia Newton-John. The sea bands are also quite tight with the little plastic button digging into my inner wrist and they create a nice tourniquet effect. If I needed to give blood right now, one could use a huge needle because the veins in my hands are super plump from wearing these things all afternoon. If they work, I won't make fun of them and I'll accept my bodybuilder looking hands but for now I'm not quite sure yet. Maybe they're just meant to make me feel so silly that it distracts from feeling like crap. Or maybe they're supposed to inspire me to put on some tennis clothes and try to do something to get my mind off of puking.
Back to my wife, the other amazing thing she has done this week is cook bland meals. In addition to cooking me bland meals she has also had to eat them. She's already being punished and relegated to a pregnancy diet and she's not even pregnant yet. (BTW - she had a baseline u/s yesterday and is all set for for FET on April 24th). She really has been amazing this week and I figure I'd use this public forum to thank her. I love you R!
Then today she showed up unannounced at my office during my lunch hour (poor thing waited in my parking lot for almost a half an hour because I was with a sick patient before lunch). She was like Santa Claus as she brought 2 bags of goodies. There was Gatorade (b/c water is now gross and I'm so over ginger-ale), there were mints, ginger Altoids, spearmints and some more mint things (b/c she read that those things help some people). There was also a big box of saltines and some peanut butter crackers.
And most importantly, she bought me sea bands. I had heard of sea bands but I had never really seen them before. For those of you who haven't seen them either, they are like small (1 1/2 inch wide) athletic wrist bands. Mine happen to be in a lovely shade of pale blue. If only I had a matching head band and some leg warmers I could go to a 1980's gym and 'get physical' with Olivia Newton-John. The sea bands are also quite tight with the little plastic button digging into my inner wrist and they create a nice tourniquet effect. If I needed to give blood right now, one could use a huge needle because the veins in my hands are super plump from wearing these things all afternoon. If they work, I won't make fun of them and I'll accept my bodybuilder looking hands but for now I'm not quite sure yet. Maybe they're just meant to make me feel so silly that it distracts from feeling like crap. Or maybe they're supposed to inspire me to put on some tennis clothes and try to do something to get my mind off of puking.
Back to my wife, the other amazing thing she has done this week is cook bland meals. In addition to cooking me bland meals she has also had to eat them. She's already being punished and relegated to a pregnancy diet and she's not even pregnant yet. (BTW - she had a baseline u/s yesterday and is all set for for FET on April 24th). She really has been amazing this week and I figure I'd use this public forum to thank her. I love you R!
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Please still be alive
Well it seems I have become one of those women who gets pregnant and quits blogging regularly. I'm still here and other than throwing up several times per day and feeling nauseous pretty much every waking minute, things are going well. I'm pretty miserable and I hate it. I have always wanted to be pregnant and now I'm hating every second of it. Last year during my first 9 week pregnancy, I was felt good and thus was able to be happy. I wanted to be healthy and would only eat very healthy food. This time around I feel like crap, the thought of food makes me ill and I'm eating anything that might stay down (or else something that won't taste too bad coming up). I'm pretty much living on carbs right now - a waffle for breakfast (no syrup), cheese sandwiches (those little Hawaiian bread rolls with slices of Cheddar cheese) as a snack and then bland food the rest of the day. R made the best home made mac-n-cheese last night (she made it very bland). It's the first time I ate a normal portion in a while and kept it down.
We have our next u/s on Friday. While I know my all day sickness is definitely a good sign, I'm still a bit nervous. I keep thinking over and over, please be alive, please be alive. We got a Doppler yesterday (from e-bay). It's still to early to use, although I definitely tried it. I'll try again in another week or 2. I'll be 8 weeks tomorrow! Please still be alive.
We have our next u/s on Friday. While I know my all day sickness is definitely a good sign, I'm still a bit nervous. I keep thinking over and over, please be alive, please be alive. We got a Doppler yesterday (from e-bay). It's still to early to use, although I definitely tried it. I'll try again in another week or 2. I'll be 8 weeks tomorrow! Please still be alive.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
KFC - the wonder food!
Things have been going well since my ultrasound. No spotting or anything scary like that. I continue to have major nausea. I can't believe I ever complained about the minor nausea that I had last time I was pregnant. The smell or even the thought of food is totally repulsive. This is a completely new feeling for me since I can eat more than most guys I know. Really, nothing ever seems to curtail my appetite. I usually continue to eat despite pretty much any circumstance - throwing up and having diarrhea from the stomach flu? No problem, just have to time the food better but I keep eating. Well not so with this pregnancy. Food just seems so gross. I have completely lost my appetite. I dread meal time because I know that I have to eat (that baby needs nutrition) but I don't want to eat. That is until today.
For some reason, I thought about mashed potatoes today and much to my surprise, I wasn't grossed out. So where does one go to get mashed potatoes in the middle of the day - why KFC, of course!! (there just happens to be one right next to the hospital) And when at KFC one also must get a biscuit and then (why the hell not) some chicken strips as well (please don't e-mail me and tell me how cruel they are to chickens or that I actually ate beaks and feet or something like that). All I know is that it was freaking awesome and all afternoon I felt pretty good. No sprinting down the hall in between patients to puke in the bathroom. In fact this is the best I've felt in weeks. I love me some KFC. And just in case you are wondering, KFC is not my usual lunch time food. I've worked at this particular office for 10 months now and this was my first KFC run. I have a feeling it won't be my last.
For some reason, I thought about mashed potatoes today and much to my surprise, I wasn't grossed out. So where does one go to get mashed potatoes in the middle of the day - why KFC, of course!! (there just happens to be one right next to the hospital) And when at KFC one also must get a biscuit and then (why the hell not) some chicken strips as well (please don't e-mail me and tell me how cruel they are to chickens or that I actually ate beaks and feet or something like that). All I know is that it was freaking awesome and all afternoon I felt pretty good. No sprinting down the hall in between patients to puke in the bathroom. In fact this is the best I've felt in weeks. I love me some KFC. And just in case you are wondering, KFC is not my usual lunch time food. I've worked at this particular office for 10 months now and this was my first KFC run. I have a feeling it won't be my last.
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