My time as a stay at home mom is over. Tomorrow morning I head back to work. After my maternity leave when Hudson was born, I was ok going back to work. I didn't dread it, in fact I was looking forward to it in some ways. I guess I knew that in a short time I would be staying home again for some time. But now as the last of my 16 weeks of leave (9 with Hudson and 7 for Bennett and Kate) comes to an end, I am so sad. This was the only time in my life that I will have been a stay at home mom.
Leave this second time around was great (not that the first time around wasn't great). I was definitely needed as there's so much work with the 3 babies and trying to maintain a house in somewhat of decent order. The majority of the time with Bennett and Kate, it's all about meeting their needs - feeding them (especially Bennett), changing them, burping them and holding them. Just recently have we been rewarded with some smiles. Hudson on the other hand is at a great age - he's interactive and down right demanding of attention - which I was more than happy to give him. I've really enjoyed playing with him. If anyone is considering splitting their maternity leave, I highly encourage it. Take some time off when they're a little older, it's so much more fun.
I feel like a kid on the last day of summer. The dread of the next morning - of going back to school. I know once at work I'll be happy since I love my job (much like school, once I was back after a long summer break, I always enjoyed it - guess I was a bit of a nerd) but I don't want to leave my kids. Not to mention my ex-catholic guilt for leaving R alone with the 3 of them all day long. If only we were independently wealthy and could both stay home - yeah right wouldn't that be nice. It's amazing but despite being together 24/7 for the past several weeks now and being sleep deprived, we've gotten along quite well. That is until the past couple of days. We've started bickering over little things and I'll admit to a slight tone of annoyance in my voice. I think it's all tied to me not wanting to go back to work and what I can only imagine is a bit on anxiety from R about having to do it all herself (although I don't want to speak for her). The saving grace is that it's only for 1 week as the nanny will start the following week - she's only 20 hours per week but that ought to help out quite a bit.
Off to bed now, I have to be up early to get ready for work and help with kids before I go. I'm sure R will be blogging in the next few days about life on her end, doing it alone... it should be amusing.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
It's been almost a month since my last post. The troops have come and gone and I've been off of work again for another 2 weeks (1 week left) and yet still no posts. I've actually been considering ending this blog (lest you think I already have). I started this blog when I was in a dark place as an outlet for all the socially unacceptable thoughts running through my head. But in the proverbial "if you build it they will come" way, I soon ended up pregnant and now here I am as the "infertile pediatrician" mother of 3. I will forever be the infertile pediatrician - being a mom to my trio doesn't negate the 4 miscarriages or 3 years of infertility that R and I went through together. And really, I'm not about to change my blog name, although pediatrician mom sure has a nice ring to it. So for now I will continue to blog, albeit infrequently at times.
The babies are all doing so well. Hudson is 7 months old which sometimes feels like a lot and other times I can't believe he's only been in our lives for 7 short months. I can barely remember life without him. It seems he's had our hearts forever. I LOVE watching him grow and am fascinated by his development in that cliche-ish way that all moms are. I'm still breast feeding! I feel that I spent most of the first 6 months stressing about my supply but here I find myself at 7 months, still going strong with a son who is thriving on my breast milk and just for a second I have to stop and celebrate that as a milestone.
Bennett and Kate are now 11 weeks old (5 weeks corrected for prematurity). We're emerging from survival mode with them to starting to really enjoy them. They are starting to coo and smile and it's just about the best thing ever. The switch from just meeting their basic needs to now starting to interact with them is underway and it's amazing. I am so totally in love with these 2 little ones which is why I'm ok admitting now that it took me a bit longer to bond with them. I think having them in the special care nursery for those initial 12 days made that initial bonding more difficult. Especially since it was such a work like setting for me (not only was it work-like, it was actually work. They were in the hospital in which I work. Even while visiting them as a "mom", I was always aware of the other kids and what was going on with them. Whenever the monitor of the baby who had apnea went off, I wanted to run over and stimulate her to breath thus making bonding a bit more difficult with Bennett and Kate).
I am breastfeeding Bennett and Kate some which has really helped me with bonding. I'd do it more but during the day their eating seems to coincide with Hudson's and I don't want to alter his schedule/routine. At night, I'm afraid that they won't get enough and thus wake up more at night (something I know R would not be happy about). So usually it's in the evenings when the babies seem like they want to cluster feed that I'll nurse one of them (or both of them) to comfort them. I also contribute daily to their pumped breast milk. My supply is actually up some. The LC that we saw after Bennett and Kate were born suggested that I up the domperidone to 30mg three times per day up from the 10mg three times per day that I was previously doing. It seems to have helped. I'm sure the added stimulation from Bennett and Kate is also driving up the supply as is Hudson's improved latch following his frenulectomy (clipping of his tongue tie).
Well my time at the pump (and hence the computer) is up now - hopefully it won't be another month before I make it back.
The babies are all doing so well. Hudson is 7 months old which sometimes feels like a lot and other times I can't believe he's only been in our lives for 7 short months. I can barely remember life without him. It seems he's had our hearts forever. I LOVE watching him grow and am fascinated by his development in that cliche-ish way that all moms are. I'm still breast feeding! I feel that I spent most of the first 6 months stressing about my supply but here I find myself at 7 months, still going strong with a son who is thriving on my breast milk and just for a second I have to stop and celebrate that as a milestone.
Bennett and Kate are now 11 weeks old (5 weeks corrected for prematurity). We're emerging from survival mode with them to starting to really enjoy them. They are starting to coo and smile and it's just about the best thing ever. The switch from just meeting their basic needs to now starting to interact with them is underway and it's amazing. I am so totally in love with these 2 little ones which is why I'm ok admitting now that it took me a bit longer to bond with them. I think having them in the special care nursery for those initial 12 days made that initial bonding more difficult. Especially since it was such a work like setting for me (not only was it work-like, it was actually work. They were in the hospital in which I work. Even while visiting them as a "mom", I was always aware of the other kids and what was going on with them. Whenever the monitor of the baby who had apnea went off, I wanted to run over and stimulate her to breath thus making bonding a bit more difficult with Bennett and Kate).
I am breastfeeding Bennett and Kate some which has really helped me with bonding. I'd do it more but during the day their eating seems to coincide with Hudson's and I don't want to alter his schedule/routine. At night, I'm afraid that they won't get enough and thus wake up more at night (something I know R would not be happy about). So usually it's in the evenings when the babies seem like they want to cluster feed that I'll nurse one of them (or both of them) to comfort them. I also contribute daily to their pumped breast milk. My supply is actually up some. The LC that we saw after Bennett and Kate were born suggested that I up the domperidone to 30mg three times per day up from the 10mg three times per day that I was previously doing. It seems to have helped. I'm sure the added stimulation from Bennett and Kate is also driving up the supply as is Hudson's improved latch following his frenulectomy (clipping of his tongue tie).
Well my time at the pump (and hence the computer) is up now - hopefully it won't be another month before I make it back.
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