My time as a stay at home mom is over. Tomorrow morning I head back to work. After my maternity leave when Hudson was born, I was ok going back to work. I didn't dread it, in fact I was looking forward to it in some ways. I guess I knew that in a short time I would be staying home again for some time. But now as the last of my 16 weeks of leave (9 with Hudson and 7 for Bennett and Kate) comes to an end, I am so sad. This was the only time in my life that I will have been a stay at home mom.
Leave this second time around was great (not that the first time around wasn't great). I was definitely needed as there's so much work with the 3 babies and trying to maintain a house in somewhat of decent order. The majority of the time with Bennett and Kate, it's all about meeting their needs - feeding them (especially Bennett), changing them, burping them and holding them. Just recently have we been rewarded with some smiles. Hudson on the other hand is at a great age - he's interactive and down right demanding of attention - which I was more than happy to give him. I've really enjoyed playing with him. If anyone is considering splitting their maternity leave, I highly encourage it. Take some time off when they're a little older, it's so much more fun.
I feel like a kid on the last day of summer. The dread of the next morning - of going back to school. I know once at work I'll be happy since I love my job (much like school, once I was back after a long summer break, I always enjoyed it - guess I was a bit of a nerd) but I don't want to leave my kids. Not to mention my ex-catholic guilt for leaving R alone with the 3 of them all day long. If only we were independently wealthy and could both stay home - yeah right wouldn't that be nice. It's amazing but despite being together 24/7 for the past several weeks now and being sleep deprived, we've gotten along quite well. That is until the past couple of days. We've started bickering over little things and I'll admit to a slight tone of annoyance in my voice. I think it's all tied to me not wanting to go back to work and what I can only imagine is a bit on anxiety from R about having to do it all herself (although I don't want to speak for her). The saving grace is that it's only for 1 week as the nanny will start the following week - she's only 20 hours per week but that ought to help out quite a bit.
Off to bed now, I have to be up early to get ready for work and help with kids before I go. I'm sure R will be blogging in the next few days about life on her end, doing it alone... it should be amusing.
About Me
- Steph
- Wife, Mom, Daughter, Pediatrician, Breastfeeding-baby-wearing Mommy to 3 beautiful babes that took us a long time to get with many ups & downs along the way.
9 comments:
This is one of those posts when I want to pick up a phone and call and discuss it endlessly!
The bickering and all that IS from the stress of returning to work. We had a version of that as well (and Nicole's family leave was only three weeks!) and we sometimes get a mini version of that on sundays, when I know she is returning to work the next day and the dynamic will shift and it will be me and the girls alone, for the most part.
I don't have three, but i do have two and this I can say in all honesty: It sucks at first to be alone with the kids after having help (whether it is mommy help or nanny help). You get used to the help, you really do. It is overwhelming and daunting to then g it alone. But it does get SO much better and manageable. And while I look back at those early days and think "Thank goodness we are past that" I also this, wow, I miss those days. And I think I am superwoman sometimes, and I impress myself with the fact that i can take care of these two little lives and still, say, bake cookies from time to time.
Now, I have two kids who are on a schedule and are happy little girls and sometimes people say "You are so lucky they are good" and I think "Luck has nothing to do with it!" I worked hard (and nicole) to get them on a nap schedule and all that.
I wish you could stay home too, if that is what you want, but you really seem to love what you do. And what a great role model you both are for your children. They are a lucky little bunch!
And I was that nerd too who LOVED going back to school! New trapper keepers and that first day outfit and new pens and covering books in paper bags and writing SOCIAL STUDIES on them. Oh I loved it all!
I hope you saved some time for a little time off here and there through the rest of the year.
J doesn't get anything close to 16 weeks :( I'm slightly jealous and just really happy for you.
Even if you get that CRAZED call in the middle of the day, with R frantic and screaming at one end of the phone and 3 babies are crying in the background....just know...she's doing a great job and will be fine :)
Jennifer - I know taking care of the 3 at one time totally gave me that superwoman feeling and I loved it. I'm not sure if R will quite enjoy that feeling and derive that same sense of self satisfaction. Hopefully she will but I'm afraid she's just going to be too exhausted to have that sense of pride.
KJ - Can't wait to hear about it when you're home with all 5!!! Holy crap. If only there were time, R could call you for words of wisdom.
Going back to work is soooo hard!! Even when you love your job, but someone has to pay for those babies. And, when they all start walking you will probably happily go to work :)
I just went back to work today, and I completely echo the sentiments in your post... well said! It totally felt like the first day of school!
Canadian here, and a bit confused, I will NEVER understand materntiy leave in the US unless you tell me how it works. You mentioned that you got 9 weeks for Hudson, but only 7 weeks for the twins, and then you encourage people to split their leave.
I literally don't understand what you're saying.... you got more leave for Husdon because you gave birth to him, but less for the twins because "you're not their mother"? Or that you got 16 weeks for Hudson, none for the twins, and broke up your "Hudson leave" to accommodate the new babies?
Here in Canada, we get a year of PARENTAL (not maternalle)leave, whether we give birth or adopt. The "mother" is required to take the first four months personally, but after that, you can choose as a family which parent stays home for the next eight months, and you can switch at any time. So, in my country, you could stay home for four months, then your wife could stay home for two, then you could stay home for one, then she....you get the idea.
You might all see us Canadians as living in the land of igloos, "aboot" and "eh", but at least our government lets us take care of our babies.
(Wow, totally angry post from me.... skulking back to my corner now!)
And I'm sorry, I KNEW this was coming up but I forgot it in my crazy angry post...
Happy Anniversary, and Happy New Wedding Day. I am so happy that your state now recognizes you as a FAMILY.
Irma - I agree with you. You Canadians have it right and we're backwards here. Ahh, if only Canada were our neighbor to the south (If Canada were located where Mexico is, I'd sooo be there). I just don't do cold, especially not snow.
So as for our maternity leave. You get 6 weeks if you deliver vaginally and 8 weeks if you have a c/s - that's with disability pay. In California you can then take another 6 weeks as paid family leave. Obviously my disability pay and the state family leave pay is way below my salary, so it's integrated with sick leave and vacation for me. By american standards, the fact that I took 16 weeks off total is actually pretty good - isn't that just pathetic.
I had such a hard time coming back to work after my triplets were born - it was pure torture. Everyone kept saying to me, "But won't it be nice to have a grown up conversation?" and I was thinking, "NO! That's why I have a phone!"
Five months later, I still hate leaving them every morning, and I still spend the whole day wishing I were home with them.
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