I still can't believe that I have 3 kids. For so long I wondered if I would ever become a parent and now I have 3 kids. I have holy shit moments on a daily basis. Sometimes when I walk by the bassinet in our room, I am truly surprised to see Kate and Bennett sleeping in there. And then there are moments like the other day at baby g@p, when I was checking out baby girl clothes on the sales rack and I look over to see my daughter and my 2 sons. I wasn't just looking to imagine the 'what ifs' or to buy a gift for someone else, I was looking to buy for my own daughter. At that moment tears started flowing and of course that's when someone's like "Look sweetie, there's your pediatrician"..."uhm, hi".

Life at our house is busy these days but I must say it's not as hard as I thought it would be. I remember being super tired and sleep deprived those first few weeks with Hudson and thought this would be much, much, much worse but it's not. It probably helps that R handles Kate and Bennett for the 2 middle of the night feeds and I handle Hudson (who still wakes up once to nurse - although twice in the past week he's slept the entire night!). I then take the morning shift with all 3 kids starting at 7am and R sleeps in until about 11am (waking up just to pump and then going back to bed). In the afternoons we manage things together and have even made it out of the house with all 3 several times, although the first time (which was the above mentioned mall outing) was quite a feat. We live our lives in 3 hour increments - the babies (meaning Kate and Bennett - somehow Hudson has lost the title of the baby in our house) eat every 3 hours. By the time they both eat and are burped and changed, we have 2 hours. If it doesn't coincide with a feeding for Hudson or a nap for Hudson, then we are able to get out of the house. It's fun going places as a family, although I think people think we're friends and whomever is pushing Hudson must be his mom and whomever is pushing the twin stroller must be their mom (damn I look good for having 4 week old twins - hahaha, not so good for having a 5 1/2 month old though).

As for the breastfeeding, I'm pumping more these days (and with a hospital grade pump) and that has seemed to increase my supply some. I've put both Kate and Bennett to breast (although not yet at the same time) in hopes of teaching them to latch on properly since they are currently killing R's nipples. R has not yet put Hudson to breast as she's afraid of him. If little tiny Kate hurts her she's afraid of what Hudson will do to her nipples (I keep telling her it'll probably be better since his mouth is bigger but she's not willing to try yet). However her pumping is going great! She gets more milk than I do and all 3 kids are only getting breast milk (we do increase the caloric content of Bennett and Kate's bottles by mixing in a teaspoon of preemie formula to the breastmilk).

Our pumping station is the computer (love the hands free pumping bra), so I have to go now to allow R to get in here and pump.

Even less time now

I don't think I have any readers that don't read R's blog, but just in case, for those that don't know, the Kate and Bennett were born on 3/28. R developed HELLP syndrome (low platelets, high blood pressure, protein in her urine, fluid in her lungs and severe swelling) and the babies had to come out. Surprisingly her uterus would have kept them in longer had the doctors not given them in eviction notice, effective immediately. They were born just minutes shy of officially being 34 weeks. Kate and Bennett were in the special care nursery (not as high of acuity as the NICU) for 12 days. They both required some nasal CPAP followed by nasal canula and both required phototherapy for jaundice but after a few days there, they were basically just "feeders and growers". It was weird having my babies in the nursery. Hanging out there felt like I was working. My ears were constantly perked up and I knew what was going on with all the babies in the unit at any given time. I even went over to stimulate a baby once during an apnea event (I was closer than the nurse). I know the nursery can be a very scary place for parents with all the wires and tubes hooked up to each baby and all the monitors and alarms but for me, it was like being at work. Actually the babies were in the nursery at the hospital that's attached to my clinic, so really I was at work. Once R got out of the hospital and my MIL came to help with Hudson, I actually did go back to work (I rather take the time off when the babies are home since my time off is limited).

The babies did finally come home on Wednesday evening. While it's great having them at home, I miss them being here. I'm still working until next Tuesday (when my MIL goes back home). I liked knowing that they were just upstairs. I would come in to see them before clinic, run up at lunch and at the end of my day. Now I miss them. I know they're at home with their momma and gamma and that soon enough I'll be home, it's just my selfishness that wants to see them now.

The babies are wonderful! For being preemie twins they are absolutely adorable. I want to squeeze them tight and love all over them like I do with Hudson, but at 4 1/2 and 5 1/2 pounds, I have to be a bit more careful with them than I am with Hudson.

While the babies were in the hospital they got both R's and my breast milk (well initially they wouldn't let me give them my breast milk since I wasn't the bio mother until I had some lab tests - don't even get me started on this. I was livid. I will be writing a hospital policy on this so that it doesn't happen to anyone else - I don't have the energy to go into how pissed off I was that my babies were getting formula while breast milk was available all while waiting for stupid labs to come back, labs that are irrelevant for breastfeeding). Now that they are home and R's milk is in they are pretty much just getting her milk. She's now producing more than I am. Thank god that we both don't have supply issues. I'm so grateful that she's able to produce a decent amount of milk, yet I'm a bit jealous. No matter what I do, my supply still sucks. The domperidone hasn't really helped. Domperidone increases prolactin levels so I guess my issue isn't due to low prolactin. The LCs really don't have any other suggestions for me. I'm hoping that being home with all 3kids will increase my supply. I do plan on putting the babies to breast once they're strong enough to do so without burning too many calories, even if they're not getting much from me, I think it'll help me bond with them.

In the meantime, I've decided to start Hudson on foods a little sooner. We started him at 5 months instead of the 6 months that I usually recommend for exclusively BF babies. I rather give him food than formula (obviously if he needs formula, like if my boobs totally shrivel up and dry out then yes, he'll get formula - I'm not so militant that I would let him starve). He seems to be enjoying eating. I started out with rice cereal since I want him to get the iron and I'm not yet giving him meats. Next week I'll start adding fruits and veggies. I'm planning on making all of his food - for the love of god, when did I become so crunchy? I'm so pro breastfeeding, I like to wear my baby in a moby wrap and now I'm making his food - I surprise even myself!

One saving grace in my low milk suppy problem is that while there might not be much milk from my boobs, what I do get is high calorie. We have a creamatocrit machine at work that tests the calorie content of milk. I had to give samples at 5, 10 and 15minutes of pumping. Granted there wasn't much 15 minute milk but there was some and boy is it high calorie. Keep in mind that standard formula is 20 calorie/oz. My 5 minute milk is 23.4 cal, my 10 minute milk is 28.7 cal and my 15 minute milk is 31.9 cal. You can't even make formula that concentrated. I guess this explains why Hudson's not wasting away with my little milk supply.