No time

I wish I had time to blog but I don't. Work has been quite busy. I don't really have down time. I used to blog when patients didn't show but now they're all showing up lately and I also have tons of patient phone calls and e-mails to return. I would also blog during lunch but I have meetings most days and now twice per week R and Hudson come visit for R's antepartum testing.

As for at home, I'm even busier at home than I am at work. R is 33.5 wks along now and I'm determined to keep these kids in until at least 37 weeks but ideally 38 weeks (ha, as if I have any control). Just a warning that I'm about to complain - a lot. I'm doing everything at home - I get home from work and BF Hudson. I then make dinner and we eat. I then BF Hudson again and put him to bed (I then pump to try to increase my milk supply). Then the chores start. I clean the kitchen, wash all my pumping supplies, clean the litter boxes, sometimes vacuum (our dog, a Siberian husky is totally shedding), straighten up the house, go through mail, pay bills (that's probably a task R could do while on her butt all day I refuse to give up control of that one - I'm too much of a math geek and budget nazi). Sometimes I'll add in fun stuff like cleaning the bathrooms but that's usually reserved for weekends. Weekends also include running all the errands that need to be done like grocery shopping, going to the bank, the post office, Tar*get... Meanwhile R is usually in bed cuddling with Hudson while taking a nap when I get home from work and then while I'm doing chores, she's soaking in the hot tub. It seems a little unfair. She's big and uncomfortable so she's often grouchy. I know she's appreciative of all I'm doing but when she gets grouchy, I get super bitchy right back at her. It makes for fun times in our house. Granted if she were to do any of my chores I would get way more pissed off at her. I want her to take it easy. I don't want her getting up much, especially now that she's 1cm dilated and 70% effaced. Holy shit that freaked me out yesterday. I totally pushed for the steroid shots (usually not done after 32 weeks) just in case the pipsqueaks come early. So now I've even forbidden her to do laundry (a task that I'm usually not allowed to do as I tend to dry things that shouldn't be dried) - add one more chore to my list, one more thing for me to bitch about.

I try to make it to bed by 10 which has now become 11 by the time I finish my chores and then pump. Hudson has been waking up around 12:45 but goes right back to sleep when I pop his pacifier in his mouth, although it does mean getting up and going to his room to do that. He gets up around 3am to feed and then I pump after that feeding. He's also been fussing again around 5:45 at which time again, the pacifier satisfies him until 7:30 when I start my day with him by BF before heading off to work.

Thank you to all of those who have offered advice about my supply issues. Plain and simple my supply sucks and not much makes a difference. I have found a somewhat local (US)pharmacy to compound the domperidone and I'm expecting it to arrive any day now! I'm hoping it's the wonder drug. I think my body just doesn't make much in the way of hormones - I mean my progesterone level was 3 when I got pregnant. Had it not been for PIO, Hudson would not exist. Hell, I don't really ovulate much on my own, again, I had to rely on drugs for that so why the hell would my body produce adequate breast milk without meds. God I hope it works for me as well as the injectable fertility meds did and the PIO did.

Thanks all for letting me bitch. I needed to vent and I'm sure my wife is tired of me bitching to (and at times at) her. I guess with 2 more kids my life is only going to get busier so I might as well get used to it - although it will be nice to have help with chores, and an extra set of boobs!

***UPDATE: The domperidone arrived!

still working on supply

Thank you all for all the great advice. As I blog this I'm pumping while eating some oatmeal with a side of fenugreek and washing it all down with a beer. Ok not really but I am pumping and drinking some mother's milk tea. As for the other things, I have been eating oatmeal every morning since Hudson was 2 weeks of age. Since the blog last week I've also been drinking beer. I'm not a big drinker and I'm not a huge beer person. If I do drink beer it's usually Cor.ona with 2 limes in it. I know it's the hops in the beer that's important for lactation and I'm pretty sure that Cor.ona isn't too high on the hops list. So instead I'm drinking a beer high in hops, which basically means it's bitter. Also, the last time I had had a drink was before my cycle that resulted in Hudson, so it's been over a year. I was always a light weight but 1 beer now has me pretty toasty. The best was this weekend when I ordered a beer while out to dinner. Hudson was hungry so I was nursing him at the restaurant when the waitress finally brought over my beer - how white trash is that? I actually don't think anyone noticed.

I still haven't ordered the domperidone but that's next. I found several on line pharmacies to order it from. The milk supply hasn't really increased with the beer, oatmeal or fenugreek. I'm also drinking my weight in water. I swear I'm peeing more now than while pregnant.

Hudson has also become really impatient. I think my stretch of working 11 days in a row lead to him getting really used to bottles. Unless I'm totally engorged in the middle of the night, he seems to get annoyed waiting for let down. He wants my boobs to be like the bottle - milk flowing immediately. We use the slow flow nipples for his bottles but that's still faster than the suckling for several seconds before milk lets down. I put him to breast all weekend despite him being quite pissed at times and it's going better but he still gets annoyed. I sure hope the twins are easier to breast feed or at least that R doesn't have supply issues.

Obsessed

So the sleep through the night thing was just a fluke. He's back to his usual wake up once to feed and maybe fuss a few times throughout the night. I'm ok with his waking up to feed. If only he'd stop the fussing bit when all he wants is his pacifier, I'd be ok. However waking up multiple times per night and then working all day is making me exhausted. I can't even nap as I'm working all weekend (I'm blogging on my lunch hour today). I'm sure by Thursday, my 11th day in a row to work I'll be ragged. My tired state is also making me cranky and quite bitter to R who sleeps all night (well minus the million trips to the bathroom) and also naps with Hudson during the day. If one of the boy's fussing sessions happens to coincide with a bathroom break for her, she'll get up and put his pacifier back in his mouth but that rarely seems to happen. Usually he fusses right after she's gotten back in bed. It's quite difficult for her to get up and out of bed so I'm the one that goes...hence being tired and hence being cranky and getting resentful.

I do a lot of work with breastfeeding including being the pediatric physician breast feeding leader (basically I'm the rep for my clinic and hospital to a region wide breast feeding committee), so I know a lot about it. I knew it would be hard at first but I also knew that I was/am 100% committed to Hudson (and hopefully the other 2 kids) getting breast milk. However, I had no idea what an obsession it would become. My problem stems from the fact that I'm not a super producer of milk. I make barely enough despite all my efforts. I know that I'm doing more than most women to keep my milk up - here's my daily schedule:

7:30am - feed Hudson, both breasts, he usually takes about 30 minutes total
9:30am, 12:30pm, 3:00pm - pump at work - with my 3 pumpings I get about 10oz total. During this time Hudson gets 2 5oz bottles (one at 11am and one around 3pm).
6:00pm - get home from work and feed Hudson from the boob - again he takes both breasts and empties them out
7:45pm - BF Hudson again from both breasts to put him to sleep
10:00pm - pump before going to bed - maybe I get 2oz
3:00am - Hudson wakes up and eats - variable time and amount, we usually both fall asleep during this (I feed him in the glider in his room)
4:00am - I go back to our bedroom and pump to empty my breasts - might get about 3oz, sometimes 4oz (I make the most milk while I sleep)

So needless to say, I think I'm stimulating and emptying my breast enough. I'm also taking fenugreek which hasn't really made a difference. It's just so discouraging to hear about women who pump for 5 minutes and get bottlefulls. I pump for a minimum of 10 minutes but usually 15 to up to 20 minutes 3 times during my work day to get 10oz. Lately Hudson seems to be hungry. He's getting pissed off at the feeding before bed that there's not much milk in the boobs (usually it's been less than 2 hours since his feeding from when I get home from work so they haven't filled back up yet). He sucks for a few minutes, empties out the breasts and then gets pissed. Instead of suckling for a while to maybe get another let down, he sucks 2-3 times, nothing comes out, he unlatches and gets pissed. So twice this past week I've given him another 3oz EBM bottle.

I know that babies are more efficient than any pump so that he could be getting more out than I am able to pump. I also know that the most important thing is that he is gaining weight. He has his 4 month well child check up tomorrow. I'm so anxious to see what his weight is. Will his pediatrician show us a growth chart that has flat lined and scowl in disappointment? Ok his pediatrician rocks and he would never scowl but I'm still anxious. Hopefully if all looks good tomorrow, I'll be reassured and not worry so much. I still feel like I'm in the initial newborn period when every drop of breast milk is golden.

Any suggestions from you experienced breast feeders out there? Anyone know where I can get some domperidone?