One year ago today at this very moment I was being inseminated! I did it during my lunch break. I just glanced at my schedule from last year and I didn't even cancel any patients. I had my 12:00 patient come early so that I could leave here, make it to my RE's office across town by 12:30 so that he could do the insemination during his lunch hour. I laid there for 20 minutes and then I made it back to my office for my 1:30 patient. Little did my afternoon patients know but I had a uterus full of sperm. heheh. And who would have ever thought that it would have worked? After several failed IVF's and some dead baby mishaps, I really never thought that squirting a little bit of sperm into my girly parts would result in a baby, a real live baby that actually survived my uterus. Amazing!!! I still look at Hudson and can't believe that I made him.
Another little amazing fact is that Hudson slept through the night last night for the first time ever (from 8pm to 7am)! I'm not sure how I feel about this. I woke up in the middle of the night quite engorged and had to pump to relieve the discomfort. I mean there's no sense in me getting used to sleeping through the night with 2 more coming. Also I make barely enough milk for Hudson, so I don't want to go all night without emptying my boobs - I need to drain them to keep up my supply. Who knows, maybe it was a fluke and he'll go back to waking up tonight. If not, I'll just pump every night for the next 2 months until the twins are born and then I'm sure I'll just feed them.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Last Names
I recently saw a patient that got me thinking about last names. I think in many lesbian households this is a hotly debated topic when one is thinking of starting a family. It took R about 7 years to convince me to change my last name to her. Some crap about her being the last one to possibly carry on the last name (her 2 sisters are straight and will take on their husband's last names) and something about her 13th great grandfather being on the Mayflower...bla,bla,bla...all I know is that about 6 years into the argument I conceded and said the kids could have her last name and then a year later I conceded and changed my last name to hers. We made both of our middle names my previous last name and the kids also have my previous last name as their middle names - we wanted to keep us all the same, you know, so that when we're traveling abroad as a big ole lesbian family all of our passports have the same name and we're allowed out of whatever foreign country we may be traveling in.
I was reluctant to change my last name because I had already changed it once to honor my dad (who is really my step dad). I originally had my bio-father's (aka sperm donor who left my mom when she was pregnant and whom I've never met) last name. During med school I decided to change my last name to his since he raised me (married my mom when I was about 12) and since I was going into a profession where I would be known by my last name I wanted it to reflect the man I consider to be my dad. So even though I now legally have R's last name, professionally I still go by my last name.
We did think about hyphenating as many of our friends have when both women in the couple are too head strong and refuse to give up their last name. However, I have issues with hyphenating. I think it's confusing. I once had a doctor with a hyphenated name and I never knew what to call her. Luckily I was in med school at the time and she said I could use her first name. Also I think it's hard for hyphenated kids. I mean what do they do on scan tron forms - "teacher, how do I bubble in the hyphen?". Also what happens when one hyphenated kid grows up and marries another hyphenated kid - do they string along 4 names? Do they just pick and chose 2 out of the 4? Fuck it, do they come up with their own new last name from the alphabet soup of the 4 names. It's just too confusing for my simple little mind.
So this brings me back to the patient I saw. His last name was Smith-Smith. (Not really smith-smith but another common last name repeated twice -changed to protect confidentiality). For the love of god, why the hell hyphenate your same last name. If you're lucky enough to marry someone with your last name (or I guess unlucky enough if it's your first cousin) then the bonus is that no name change is involved. Now this kid will sound like he has a stuttering problem whenever he introduces himself. That's just wrong.
I was reluctant to change my last name because I had already changed it once to honor my dad (who is really my step dad). I originally had my bio-father's (aka sperm donor who left my mom when she was pregnant and whom I've never met) last name. During med school I decided to change my last name to his since he raised me (married my mom when I was about 12) and since I was going into a profession where I would be known by my last name I wanted it to reflect the man I consider to be my dad. So even though I now legally have R's last name, professionally I still go by my last name.
We did think about hyphenating as many of our friends have when both women in the couple are too head strong and refuse to give up their last name. However, I have issues with hyphenating. I think it's confusing. I once had a doctor with a hyphenated name and I never knew what to call her. Luckily I was in med school at the time and she said I could use her first name. Also I think it's hard for hyphenated kids. I mean what do they do on scan tron forms - "teacher, how do I bubble in the hyphen?". Also what happens when one hyphenated kid grows up and marries another hyphenated kid - do they string along 4 names? Do they just pick and chose 2 out of the 4? Fuck it, do they come up with their own new last name from the alphabet soup of the 4 names. It's just too confusing for my simple little mind.
So this brings me back to the patient I saw. His last name was Smith-Smith. (Not really smith-smith but another common last name repeated twice -changed to protect confidentiality). For the love of god, why the hell hyphenate your same last name. If you're lucky enough to marry someone with your last name (or I guess unlucky enough if it's your first cousin) then the bonus is that no name change is involved. Now this kid will sound like he has a stuttering problem whenever he introduces himself. That's just wrong.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
baby bliss
I can't believe it's been a full month since my last post - agg, that's worse than usual for me. I have actually started to blog once or twice in the past month, it just never gets finished or posted. My big excuse right now is that it's winter in pediatrics which means RSV and influenza season. I'm crazy busy for the most part at work. Home isn't much better with regards to extra time. I try to take over baby duties when I get home to give R a much needed break and also to get some time in with the little guy (more about that later). However once I finally get him down for the night around 8pm, I have to start all my chores. R is big, and getting bigger (and by that I mean that she looks absolutely beautiful and amazing) and thus is quite uncomfortable. When she's up for too long she starts to have braxton hicks, so I really don't want her doing much. There once might have been a post about me bitching about having to do EVERYTHING but I've accepted that this is my fate. This is what happens when you take risks like doing IVF when we already had one baby on the way (obviously we knew this could happen, so basically I should shut up and not bitch about it). So after Hudson goes down, I clean the kitchen, wash bottles and pumping supplies, clean whatever else needs to be cleaned, get stuff ready for the next day and then somehow it's 10pm and time for me to get to bed, hence no time for blogging.
The other reason I haven't blogged is because I really don't have much to say. This started off as a blog for me to vent after our TTC failures and miscarriages. It was a place that real life friends and family didn't know about where I could make my dead baby comments without fear of scaring our friends (R was always cautioning me not to scare off our friends with my inappropriate comments and bitterness). Now, I have a little boy and 2 more kids on the way and I'm so far from that place where I once was. I am so incredibly in love with my son and I can't imagine anyone wanting to hear about that. He's just the most perfect wonderful little boy and I'm happier being a mom than I ever thought possible. I rush home everyday to see him and I look forward to his smile every morning (I'm trying to get him to quit those middle of the night smiles) but really that doesn't make for very exciting blogging. I'm sure I'll come up with other things to blog about but for now, I'm in my new baby bliss (although by the time I am able to come up with anything I'm sure I won't have any readers left).
The other reason I haven't blogged is because I really don't have much to say. This started off as a blog for me to vent after our TTC failures and miscarriages. It was a place that real life friends and family didn't know about where I could make my dead baby comments without fear of scaring our friends (R was always cautioning me not to scare off our friends with my inappropriate comments and bitterness). Now, I have a little boy and 2 more kids on the way and I'm so far from that place where I once was. I am so incredibly in love with my son and I can't imagine anyone wanting to hear about that. He's just the most perfect wonderful little boy and I'm happier being a mom than I ever thought possible. I rush home everyday to see him and I look forward to his smile every morning (I'm trying to get him to quit those middle of the night smiles) but really that doesn't make for very exciting blogging. I'm sure I'll come up with other things to blog about but for now, I'm in my new baby bliss (although by the time I am able to come up with anything I'm sure I won't have any readers left).
Friday, January 18, 2008
baby weight
Going back to work meant that I had to get out of my sweats and put some real pants on. That brought along the realization that I don't fit into any of my pants. My maternity pants don't fit very well anymore - they're just a bit too big and not to mention, I just don't look as cute in them without the big belly. I mean I wish non-pregnant women could wear elastic waisted pants but I think that's too big of a fashion faux pas even for me (I'm not really the fashion conscious type, more the REI clothing and dansko clogs type).
As for my regular pants, even my pre-pregnancy fat pants are a bit too snug. I can button my fat pants (which does make me proud) but I now have the mother of all muffin tops spooging over. I have no abdominal muscles to speak of and with the extra soft skin my belly just kind of hangs like a spare tire. Damm celebrities they ruin the expectations for all of us. How are they back in pre-pregnancy clothes and some even in bikinis 2 months after having a baby? Does a tummy tuck come standard with the hollywood c-section? In case you are wondering what I am wearing to work these days, I went out and bought new bigger "fat pants".
One thing that certainly doesn't help is having a pregnant wife. Somehow her cravings have become my cravings. I'm sure the trip to Den.ny's this past weekend for pancakes that she had to have wasn't the best thing. And of course I had to also get a side of bacon. By the way, who the hell goes to Den.ny's at 6pm on a Saturday night? Did I mention we were totally sober? Also, the nightly cup of ice cream with magic shell probably isn't too good for me either.
As for working out, my plan had been breast feeding. Hello, isn't this supposed to burn up to 500 calories per day? For real, shouldn't the weight just be falling off -hmmm, I guess not with the trips to Den.ny's and the nightly ice cream. I have started jogging again but only on weekends. By the time I get home from work it's already dark out and I don't like to jog in the dark, not to mention it's cold outside. I don't want to join a gym because I really don't want to be away from Hudson any longer than my work day. So I will be with my baby and I will be fat!
I thought as a motivator I would fess up to my weight, perhaps to make myself accountable for the weight. I did allow R to put pics of me doing my shots and then with my heparin bruised belly on her blog, so why not admit it. I started out the pregnancy about 10 lbs above my ideal weight of 135lbs and my weight at delivery was 171. I'm currently 154 so I'd like to lose another 20 lbs. I just want to fit into my favorite jeans again - right now I can only button 2 out of the 5 buttons.
One more thing about the post-pregnancy belly - when will my belly button return to normal? I went from having a fairly deep innie in which you could not see the base of it, to having an outie during pregnancy. It's now back to being an innie but with a very shallow base and it's huge. Huge as in a dime would fall out and I may even be able to put a nickel in it. Please tell me it'll go back to normal.
As for my regular pants, even my pre-pregnancy fat pants are a bit too snug. I can button my fat pants (which does make me proud) but I now have the mother of all muffin tops spooging over. I have no abdominal muscles to speak of and with the extra soft skin my belly just kind of hangs like a spare tire. Damm celebrities they ruin the expectations for all of us. How are they back in pre-pregnancy clothes and some even in bikinis 2 months after having a baby? Does a tummy tuck come standard with the hollywood c-section? In case you are wondering what I am wearing to work these days, I went out and bought new bigger "fat pants".
One thing that certainly doesn't help is having a pregnant wife. Somehow her cravings have become my cravings. I'm sure the trip to Den.ny's this past weekend for pancakes that she had to have wasn't the best thing. And of course I had to also get a side of bacon. By the way, who the hell goes to Den.ny's at 6pm on a Saturday night? Did I mention we were totally sober? Also, the nightly cup of ice cream with magic shell probably isn't too good for me either.
As for working out, my plan had been breast feeding. Hello, isn't this supposed to burn up to 500 calories per day? For real, shouldn't the weight just be falling off -hmmm, I guess not with the trips to Den.ny's and the nightly ice cream. I have started jogging again but only on weekends. By the time I get home from work it's already dark out and I don't like to jog in the dark, not to mention it's cold outside. I don't want to join a gym because I really don't want to be away from Hudson any longer than my work day. So I will be with my baby and I will be fat!
I thought as a motivator I would fess up to my weight, perhaps to make myself accountable for the weight. I did allow R to put pics of me doing my shots and then with my heparin bruised belly on her blog, so why not admit it. I started out the pregnancy about 10 lbs above my ideal weight of 135lbs and my weight at delivery was 171. I'm currently 154 so I'd like to lose another 20 lbs. I just want to fit into my favorite jeans again - right now I can only button 2 out of the 5 buttons.
One more thing about the post-pregnancy belly - when will my belly button return to normal? I went from having a fairly deep innie in which you could not see the base of it, to having an outie during pregnancy. It's now back to being an innie but with a very shallow base and it's huge. Huge as in a dime would fall out and I may even be able to put a nickel in it. Please tell me it'll go back to normal.
Monday, January 14, 2008
survived
I survived my first week back at work. It's so hard to leave in the mornings when he's awake and happy (it's a little easier when he's asleep, although then I'm tempted to wake him to say good-bye). When he's awake I find myself sticking around for just one more smile and one more smile after that and then I'm practically late for work every morning.
The weekend was great, I barely let the boy out of my sight much less my arms. R is trying to get him on a schedule during the week and I'm sure I totally ruined it on the weekend...you know letting him free feed on the boob whenever he wants but I just couldn't help it.
So now it's on to week 2 back at work. It's funny, I now really look forward to all my newborn visits, having a newborn at home, it gives me something new to bond with the family about. I knew having a baby would make me a better pediatrician and in only my first week back I'm already noticing how the advice I give has changed. I'm much more empathetic especially about breast feeding (aka - the hardest thing I've ever done). I used to enjoy my adolescent visits more than my newborn visits. I really considered specializing in adolescent medicine but didn't want to totally give up seeing my little ones and I also really enjoy getting to know my patients and their families (something you don't get as much in sub-specialty care, especially not in adolescent medicine). Now, I'm so glad I'm a general pediatrician because I'm loving seeing the little ones (makes me miss mine even more).
The weekend was great, I barely let the boy out of my sight much less my arms. R is trying to get him on a schedule during the week and I'm sure I totally ruined it on the weekend...you know letting him free feed on the boob whenever he wants but I just couldn't help it.
So now it's on to week 2 back at work. It's funny, I now really look forward to all my newborn visits, having a newborn at home, it gives me something new to bond with the family about. I knew having a baby would make me a better pediatrician and in only my first week back I'm already noticing how the advice I give has changed. I'm much more empathetic especially about breast feeding (aka - the hardest thing I've ever done). I used to enjoy my adolescent visits more than my newborn visits. I really considered specializing in adolescent medicine but didn't want to totally give up seeing my little ones and I also really enjoy getting to know my patients and their families (something you don't get as much in sub-specialty care, especially not in adolescent medicine). Now, I'm so glad I'm a general pediatrician because I'm loving seeing the little ones (makes me miss mine even more).
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