I've recently traded one misery for another. My nausea is greatly improved. Sunday morning I was able to walk into the kitchen. That is a huge step! Normally walking into the kitchen would either send me running for the toilet or more often I didn't think I could make it and would throw up in the kitchen sink. It's amazing, I'm cured!
I did however manage to pick up the world's worst cold. I know exactly which kid gave it to me. I'm very paranoid about all the germs from my patients but one day last week this little kid coughed right in my face. There was nothing I could do about it. I was horrified but I couldn't get away. I usually wear a mask around kids that are coughing a lot but this kid wasn't. Well not until I got close to him and asked him to open his mouth so I could look into it. Instead he coughed and I could feel droplets hit my face. Sure enough my symptoms started Sunday - the same glorious day in which my morning sickness resolved.
I am absolutely miserable. I did work yesterday (while wearing a mask). I'm sure nothing brings more confidence to a new mother than to have your pediatrician wearing a mask and sounding like a man (obviously if your pediatrician is a man, that latter part is OK). My throat is on fire and I can't breath, so my voice is quite manly. By the end of the day, I was spent. I had chills and my temp had climbed up to 99.9. I know that's technically not a fever. I spend a great portion of my day telling parents what is and isn't a fever and also that a fever is the body's natural reaction against the illness and is actually a good thing. However when you are 11 1/2 weeks pregnant and just getting this far is a major accomplishment, you freak out about 99.9. Therefore today, I took the day off.
I have been taking Tyle.nol but nothing else. We have a nifty magnet from our OB that lets us know what meds are safe. The safe meds include suda.fed which at this point sounds like the most wonderful drug ever. However, I know that suda.fed makes my heart race and makes me all jittery. I'm not ready to turn my kid into a meth junkie just yet. I don't recommend suda.fed for children under 12 months of age, especially since there have been several deaths in under 6 month olds in the past few years, so why would it be OK for an almost 12 week old fetus. Instead I will suffer and bitch about it to all of you. OK going back to bed now.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Good and Bad News
I had hoped to share good news with you this week. Unfortunately it seems R's FET is another chemical pregnancy. We'll have the second beta to confirm it tomorrow but beta #1 was 8 on 8dp6dt (14dpo). All the baby dust in the world can not make an 8 sound good. We're actually doing ok. R didn't have much hope for this cycle with the knowledge that FET's have lower success rates than fresh IVFs. I had hope, I always have hope. That damn hope. I'm an optimist by nature (except after my dead baby experiences when I retreated into a dark place but now I'm back to my rose colored glasses life). R has accepted it for what it is and is actually excited about enjoying her summer. We're also excited about not being pregnant together. We know it was nuts, it's just at this point we're willing to accept nuts. R will try again in August with another fresh cycle (IVF #3).
As for my pregnancy, I'm doing well. Yesterday was the first day that I didn't puke!!! It was great. I only gagged twice and one time was while brushing my teeth which is just a given. (I used to floss daily but since getting pregnant, I can barely brush my teeth much less floss. I've tried a few times but can only do my front teeth. As soon as the back of my throat senses anything back there, it starts gagging). Today, it's back to puking. This morning stomach acid came out of my nose. That is not supposed to happen. My nose was on fire. It felt like I had burned a hole through my septum.
In happier news, we heard the heartbeat for the first time on Tuesday night! It was so amazing. I timed it - it was 160! The baby is still alive and now we can check in on it! Only 1 more week until my next u/s. It'll actually be 2 u/s in 1 day. I have an OB appt in the morning in which I know they'll do an u/s. Then in the afternoon, I go for my nuchal thickness u/s. I can't wait to see my little kickboxer. It was so active last time.
As for my pregnancy, I'm doing well. Yesterday was the first day that I didn't puke!!! It was great. I only gagged twice and one time was while brushing my teeth which is just a given. (I used to floss daily but since getting pregnant, I can barely brush my teeth much less floss. I've tried a few times but can only do my front teeth. As soon as the back of my throat senses anything back there, it starts gagging). Today, it's back to puking. This morning stomach acid came out of my nose. That is not supposed to happen. My nose was on fire. It felt like I had burned a hole through my septum.
In happier news, we heard the heartbeat for the first time on Tuesday night! It was so amazing. I timed it - it was 160! The baby is still alive and now we can check in on it! Only 1 more week until my next u/s. It'll actually be 2 u/s in 1 day. I have an OB appt in the morning in which I know they'll do an u/s. Then in the afternoon, I go for my nuchal thickness u/s. I can't wait to see my little kickboxer. It was so active last time.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Today is 6dp6dt for R's FET. I've been really hopeful the entire time that it would work. R's had her doubts and honestly, I think she's been talking herself out of it. It makes sense, she's been through so many disappointments that I'm sure she's just trying to shield herself. She's mentioned the pluses to not being pregnant - of course there's the craziness of both of us being pregnant at the same time, but she's also brought up how not being pregnant means she'll get to enjoy the summer - mostly being able to drink wine with my dad (a chef and wine connoisseur), being to have a drink at her sister's wedding, being able to go camping this summer (she can lug all the heavy stuff - it's just car camping so it's not like I'd have to hike and we definitely have all the gear to camp in luxury).
However today everything changed. R woke up around 5am to pee (gotta love PIO) and she POAS. It was a FRER which we hold to the highest standards. We're pretty sure it was negative. I mean at 5am your eyes definitely play tricks on you and since my brain knows where the line should be (and I want it to be there so badly), I think my brain just fills it in. My brain also kind of fucks with me because it doesn't fill it in all the way, instead I imagine a very faint line. After turning on the lights, putting my glasses on and re-examining the test, we concluded that it was definitely negative. Despite R's big summer plans, I know she was disappointed.
I left for work about 8:15 and R decided to test again. This time with one of the tests I brought home from work. Of course without me home to look at it, she got a faint line. Holy crap. What does this mean? A negative FRER and a positive test from work (which I consider to be a crappier test - it's not meant to pick super early pregnancies, just knocked up teenagers who don't even know they are pregnant until they're having regular stomach pains every few minutes and then a head pops out from between their legs). I made her take pictures of the test and e-mail me at work. Although faint, there definitely was a line there. I swear I've been agonizing over it all day. I just want this to work. In my new state of pregnancy, I've become more protective of R and can't stand to see her go through another negative or worse yet another false start pregnancy.
Now the wait until tomorrow morning for R to POAS again. Is it morning yet? The damn beta is still 2 days away.
However today everything changed. R woke up around 5am to pee (gotta love PIO) and she POAS. It was a FRER which we hold to the highest standards. We're pretty sure it was negative. I mean at 5am your eyes definitely play tricks on you and since my brain knows where the line should be (and I want it to be there so badly), I think my brain just fills it in. My brain also kind of fucks with me because it doesn't fill it in all the way, instead I imagine a very faint line. After turning on the lights, putting my glasses on and re-examining the test, we concluded that it was definitely negative. Despite R's big summer plans, I know she was disappointed.
I left for work about 8:15 and R decided to test again. This time with one of the tests I brought home from work. Of course without me home to look at it, she got a faint line. Holy crap. What does this mean? A negative FRER and a positive test from work (which I consider to be a crappier test - it's not meant to pick super early pregnancies, just knocked up teenagers who don't even know they are pregnant until they're having regular stomach pains every few minutes and then a head pops out from between their legs). I made her take pictures of the test and e-mail me at work. Although faint, there definitely was a line there. I swear I've been agonizing over it all day. I just want this to work. In my new state of pregnancy, I've become more protective of R and can't stand to see her go through another negative or worse yet another false start pregnancy.
Now the wait until tomorrow morning for R to POAS again. Is it morning yet? The damn beta is still 2 days away.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Big Week - and it's only Tuesday
It's only Tuesday but already it's been an exciting week. First off yesterday marked a huge milestone - as of yesterday, this is the furthest along we've ever made it in any pregnancy. This is my last dead baby milestone! From here on out, it's all a new experience for us.
I then became a huge ass. You know how I've been extolling the virtues of my wife - well she's still amazing and wonderful and taking great care of me. I however am the asshole who put work ahead of her. I took the afternoon off for her FET but forgot to close part of my morning schedule. I'm not quite sure what I was thinking - obviously I was not really thinking. So of course when we finally discussed logistics of getting to the FET, I realized that I had patients scheduled through 11:30 (I held my 12:00 slot). An 11:30 appointment means the patient has until 11:50 to show up before they are officially called a "no show" - so if the patient had shown up at 11:49, I would have had to see them. By the time my nurse roomed them and I saw them (it was a well child physical), it easily could have been 12:15 which was the time R needed to be at the clinic. Basically I said she needed to get a ride to the clinic (she can't drive on Valium) and I would meet her there. Yeah, that didn't go over very well (and rightfully so). R pointed out my complete lack of consideration. I was able to call my patients and ask them to come in earlier. Luckily today I had a no show and then when I finally got a hold of my 11:30 patient, they told me they weren't coming - they changed insurance and I was no longer a covered provider for them. I was thus able to make it home to pick R up and make it in time to the clinic - while it all worked out, I was still a huge ass and R put me in my place (while still catering to my every pregnant whim).
So onto the good news of today. R had her FET today. We thawed out 4 embryos and transferred 3. They all actually survived the thaw and we transferred the 3 best ones. Of the ones we transferred 2 had a 95% cell survival rate and the third had an 85% cell survival rate. You always expect to lose some cells during the thaw and a 50% cell survival rate is what is considered a successful thaw. Needless to say, we are thrilled at how well the embies did during the thaw process. Now, as always, we wait. Beta day is on May 2nd.
We also got another glimpse into my uterus. It was so amazing to see how much the baby has grown. It now has knees and elbows. It was punching and kicking me! We could see the 2 lobes of the brain. We could also see fingers. It was just amazing. To borrow Jennifer's term, I think we're going to have a take home baby!
I then became a huge ass. You know how I've been extolling the virtues of my wife - well she's still amazing and wonderful and taking great care of me. I however am the asshole who put work ahead of her. I took the afternoon off for her FET but forgot to close part of my morning schedule. I'm not quite sure what I was thinking - obviously I was not really thinking. So of course when we finally discussed logistics of getting to the FET, I realized that I had patients scheduled through 11:30 (I held my 12:00 slot). An 11:30 appointment means the patient has until 11:50 to show up before they are officially called a "no show" - so if the patient had shown up at 11:49, I would have had to see them. By the time my nurse roomed them and I saw them (it was a well child physical), it easily could have been 12:15 which was the time R needed to be at the clinic. Basically I said she needed to get a ride to the clinic (she can't drive on Valium) and I would meet her there. Yeah, that didn't go over very well (and rightfully so). R pointed out my complete lack of consideration. I was able to call my patients and ask them to come in earlier. Luckily today I had a no show and then when I finally got a hold of my 11:30 patient, they told me they weren't coming - they changed insurance and I was no longer a covered provider for them. I was thus able to make it home to pick R up and make it in time to the clinic - while it all worked out, I was still a huge ass and R put me in my place (while still catering to my every pregnant whim).
So onto the good news of today. R had her FET today. We thawed out 4 embryos and transferred 3. They all actually survived the thaw and we transferred the 3 best ones. Of the ones we transferred 2 had a 95% cell survival rate and the third had an 85% cell survival rate. You always expect to lose some cells during the thaw and a 50% cell survival rate is what is considered a successful thaw. Needless to say, we are thrilled at how well the embies did during the thaw process. Now, as always, we wait. Beta day is on May 2nd.
We also got another glimpse into my uterus. It was so amazing to see how much the baby has grown. It now has knees and elbows. It was punching and kicking me! We could see the 2 lobes of the brain. We could also see fingers. It was just amazing. To borrow Jennifer's term, I think we're going to have a take home baby!
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