CD 30

Today is cycle day 30 and there is no period in sight. My boobs don't hurt, I'm not bitchy or super emotional, nothing... no symptoms to make me hopeful that maybe I'll get a period anytime in the next week. Not that I've ever been a 28 day cycle kind of a girl, more like a 35 to 60-90 day cycle girl. It's just that I was hoping that my body would do things properly for once. It's almost like I'm pregnant, the way that I'm inspecting the toilet paper for any hint of a period. Fuck, when did I become so neurotic that I inspect toilet paper for shades of pink?

R seems to be doing better. Last week was rough. She was so miserable with cramps and stomach pains. I was beginning to worry about there possibly being some left over pregnancy parts in her (medically referred to as "retained products of conception" - nice term) or even infection. I made her call the doctor who of course wanted to see her. After some special time with the wand, it was determined that it was more likely her IBS acting up due to all the stress. I couldn't make it to that appointment but our RE was great. He sat in the room with R for half an hour, letting her cry and discussing stress with her.

This weekend R seems to be emerging from the dark, sad place where she's been for the past 2 weeks. I'm so proud of her, she's doing much better at this stage of things than I was. I used to argue this to the contrary, but I now do believe that it's much harder when it's going on in your body and that the loss is much worse for the person whose body is suffering the loss than for the other partner. I guess before I was just idealistic in thinking that it affected both people the same way. With that said, I hate seeing R go through this and would rather it have been me and never have her experience this firsthand.

We had quite the self indulgent weekend. Lots of great wine, a run to dairy queen for a dipped cone and a blizzard, lots of sugar cookies with icing (the really yummy ones from the grocery store bakery) and even wings from Hooters! We laughed so much this weekend - feeling like a blimp now was worth it to hear R laugh. Last night, we drank several glasses of wine, while playing connect 4, listening to bad 80's music (by bad I mean that I knew every word to every song) and eating sugar cookies. We then watched the L-word, which is so bad this season that it was also good for a laugh. (Really, has there ever been a more nonathletic group of women playing basketball? Hard to believe but it was actually worse than when they used to show Dana playing tennis.) Luckily, the laughing will continue today as we're now off to go try on bridesmaid dresses for my sister-in-law's wedding!