Relaxation

In my attempt to remain in a totally zen place for the upcoming IVF cycle, I am trying to meditate, I'm getting massages and I'm going to acupuncture (which is also supposed to help me get and stay pregnant). Usually during acupuncture I just lay there and think about getting pregnant. I try to visualize all the things that will happen to my body and wait to hear the little timer outside my door go off. I appreciate the 30-45 minute break in my usually hectic schedule but I don't necessarily feel some deep sense of relaxation.

There are even times during my acupuncture sessions that I lay there, trying to make myself meditate about being pregnant but mostly I am wondering how much time I have left. Then when I finally hear the buzzer, I get all excited about being done. Last week was one of those weeks. And once the buzzer finally went off, nobody came in. It was so disappointing. Someone turned off the buzzer but no one came in. I wanted to yell out "hello, it's me in room 2. My buzzer went off, I'm done. Come get the needles out of me". I even had the thought, "Hell, I'm a doctor, I can take needles out myself". What seemed like hours later my acupuncturist finally came in to take the needles out. Unfortunately, I still wasn't done. He then wanted to needle my back. At least my back is usually less time than my front but once again, no one came when my timer buzzed. I was so thrilled to be done.

Last night however, was totally different. For the first time, I felt a deep sense of relaxation and I even fell asleep. I was actually pissed off when the timer went off because it woke me up. How dare it wake me up. I didn't want the session to end. I hope this means that it's finally working.

I also got a massage this week. I went to the usual spa that I go to but I had a different masseuse. She was just ok. She used way too much massage oil. I had to use the sheet to wipe myself off at the end before getting dressed. I love touch, so I still enjoyed the massage but I won't be going back to her. Also the music in the room was really crappy. Usually it's relaxation music but this time it was soft hits of the 80's, 90's and today minus the words. I think this is commonly referred to as elevator music. I played a little game to see how long it would take me to figure out the song. It was amazing that I knew most of the words to bad slow songs that I haven't heard in years. Songs like Micheal Bolton's "Have I told you lately that I love you" (well I assumed it was his version of the song but again, no words), I sang along in my head. There were a few good songs like Sarah Mclachlan's Adia but overall it was one long elevator ride.