Today is 5dp5dt and I don't feel anything. Occasionally I get some twinge or slight cramp down there but it lasts only seconds. Long enough for me to wonder whether I imagined it or if it really was something real. I then ponder what it could be if it's a real pain - my conclusion is that it's most likely gas or some sort of GI thing. I spend my days wondering why I don't feel anything. When I do feel something then it must be the progesterone. Do I always get these random lower abdominal pains and just not notice them? Am I currently just ubber aware of anything going on near my uterus? I'm driving myself nuts while also trying to stay calm. The nuts feeling is in my head. I'm working hard to stay calm and not have the anxiety take over my body too. Does that make sense? R is doing great. She sends me little instant messages to remind me to take a few minutes to meditate about our babies in between my patients. It's the new Buddhist in her. Unfortunately my old Catholicism is taking over and causing me to over analyze things - it's just like catholic guilt (same feelings).
We did not POAS today. R wanted to wait one more day and I had a dream that I had POAS and it was negative. I didn't want to see a negative in real life - my dream was enough for me and since I would have most likely seen a negative on 5dp5dt, I decided to wait another day. I almost broke down at lunch. I thought about stealing a pregnancy test from my office, locking myself in the bathroom and testing. I didn't do it. That wouldn't be fair to R.
We have a new theory on POAS. We're no longer going to combine urines due to the concern for dilution. We have thought about mixing up the urines so that we don't know which is which and testing. I think that's what we may try tomorrow morning. However if one is negative and one is positive, I don't know if I will be able to handle the suspense. I just want both of them to be positive. I want us each to have 1 baby. I looked at triplet strollers today - they are scary and ugly.
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The suspense! Congrats on holding out one more day! That is so hard! It's smart, considering blasts tend to produce less HCG then 3-day embryos and IVF, for some reason, has lower HCG as well. The longer you wait, the stronger the line, the happier you'll feel! Then again, the suspense is torture! Good luck! : )
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