Patients

I had my first really inappropriate patient parent yesterday. I had last seen one of his kids several months ago, so it was back in the days when the white coat could still be buttoned and most people had no idea I was pregnant. Nowadays the white coat does not button and so my big belly jets out and proceeds me as I walk into the room. As soon as I walked in, the dad (who was there with his 3 year old daughter and 5 year old son), goes "Oh my god, how did that happen?". I politely smiled and said hello to the kids. The dad then again, says "No really, how did that happen?". So I look at him, again polite little smile and say well, you have 2 kids, I think you know how this happens.

I quickly log onto the kids medical charts and start showing him his daughter's growth curves. When I mention that she's been gaining weight appropriately, he then looks at me and says "well we know who's really gaining weight here". Again, I smile and try to proceed with the visit. He then looks at my shoes - I was wearing little black wedge sandals with a maternity dress - and he comments "time to get new shoes, I think I'm seeing some swelling of the feet". Finally he seems to ask me a question about one of his kids, I'm half way through answering when his cell phone rings and he answers (mind you I'm mid-sentence answering his question) and proceeds on having a regular conversation. At this point, I figure it's better that he's talking to someone else and not to me, so I get up and start examining his daughter.

He's finally off the phone and now it's time to move on the boy. The little boy has a very serious look and I can't for the life of me get him to smile. I reassure the boy that he doesn't need any shots today and ask him if that's why he's so quiet. The dad interjects and says "no, he's sad because his doctor got knocked up" and then tells his kid "don't worry son, it's not mine". I completely ignore dad and start examining the little boy. Dad again, says, "so really, how did this happen? What it a lunch time quicky?". WTF - who says "lunch time quicky" in front of their 3 and 5 year olds. The funniest thing is that it was a lunch time quicky - I had my IUI done during my lunch break and I came back to work that day. No way was I telling him that.

I managed to finish up very quickly and got the hell out of that room. Seriously did he think he was funny asking me how I got pregnant several times. I feel sorry for his kids, that they have such a clueless ass for a dad.

On a happier note, today I had a patient who brought me in a baby gift. I thought it was the sweetest thing ever. She got me some onsies and burp cloths and a baby Einstein classical music CD. I thought it was the most thoughtful thing ever. I totally wasn't expecting gifts from patients.